From the category archives:

Humour

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by Jacob Galbraith 08.26.2010

For all of the things that cooking professionally contributes to my fleeting grip on sanity, there are aspects which come extremely close to redeeming the unseemly qualities that are scrambled throughout all of my writing. These “perks”, as I know them, are the things that I would dearly miss if I were to one day [...]

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A Bunch of Dummies

by Jacob Galbraith 08.08.2010

For many, cooking for money was never part of a grand scheme. Ask any cook how they ended up in clogs and you’ll hear “I just fell into it” far more often than “I always wanted to be a chef”. The designation of perchance profession leads most people to believe that the average cook wears [...]

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Just the Tip

by Jacob Galbraith 07.12.2010

It is internationally acknowledged that cooks everywhere are extremely disdainful of servers, except of course for the one that they happen to be sleeping with, if such a swindle could occur. This has been the arrangement since long before The Last Supper, and I really can’t see much reason to carry on this way any [...]

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The Soggy Bacon Blues

by Jacob Galbraith 06.29.2010

There’s a pretty firm line drawn in the sand between the person I am now and the person I was before I started cooking all those years ago. It used to be that I couldn’t enjoy most food because I didn’t know any better, but now that I do know, I struggle to find food [...]

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Summer

by Jacob Galbraith 06.01.2010

In my pre-cooking years, or “back when my hands were beautiful”, summer meant what I assume it means to most everyone else: rapidly melting popsicles, the _____ (body of water), and fun. These days it means at least 4 months of feeling like the aforementioned popsicle, and feeding more people than the other 8 months [...]

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What Would Jesus Drink

by Jacob Galbraith 05.15.2010

For a long time, it seemed as though I wasn’t meant to ever set foot in the Alibi Room. All of my attempts were poorly planned, and always resulted in arriving to locked doors. I left the city, and the Alibi Room, one year ago, and have long since dreamed of what actually happens in [...]

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Young Man’s Game

by Jacob Galbraith 04.29.2010

Last month I turned 26 years old. That’s 20 years as a normal human being, plus 6 spent in front of the stoves. In the sun with the rest of the world, I’m still a young man with plenty of time to figure things out. The florescent lights of the kitchen, however, shine less favourably [...]

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Better Than Foie Gras

by paulkamon 04.19.2010

Praise the heavens, one of life’s greatest mysteries has not only been solved, but canned for your enjoyment! Not only do unicorns exist, they taste great and help you get your daily recommended dose of sparkles, giggles and rainbows. Crafted by the nuns of Radiant Farms of County Meath, Ireland, this unique product tastes like [...]

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Fresh Meat

by Jacob Galbraith 04.12.2010

There is no situation more precarious than being new in a kitchen. It’s sort of a guilty until proven innocent scenario. We’ve seen your resume, and chances are there’s some questionable stuff on there. In spite of the stint at Weeny Wagon, you’re invited spend a day with us on your own time. If you [...]

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My New Favourite Beer Commercial

by paulkamon 03.30.2010

[flash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCwI82JED4I&feature=player_embedded w=262 h=165]
What can I say? They could put Bud Light Lime in these bottles and I would still automagically think it was precious nectar from the Gods.
That my friends is the power of creative advertising funk.
Thanks to Matthew Rissling for sharing this in the UD Forum. ~ PK

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Conspiracy Theory

by Jacob Galbraith 03.26.2010

Collusion in the Kitchen
When the majority of one’s waking life is spent in the clutches of professional cooking, one gains a certain familiarity with the feeling of having a big fucking target painted on their chest. Within the confines of a kitchen, we cooks are textbook examples of conspiracy theorists; it comes with the uniform. [...]

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Strange and Bitter Fruit

by Jacob Galbraith 03.10.2010

A few weeks after using Urban Diner to host my very first public airing of the “c word”, I’m bringing you some thoughts on a big old “b word”: bitterness. What follows may come off as bitching, but what I’m trying to do is explain the expression that’s permanently painted on every weathered cook’s face. [...]

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