Tiffin Project

Hit & Run: Guy Fieri Twinkie Edition

by Editor on November 22, 2012

Post image for Hit & Run: Guy Fieri Twinkie Edition

In this week’s edition, we pay our respects to Hostess, a stalwart producer of fine quality addictive junk food of our teenage bong years, and we throw more grease and donkey sauce on the raging  kitchen fire known as Guy Fieri. Loosen your belt buckle, grab a few Twinkies and enjoy the delicious carnage.

 

Junk Food Obituary
It’s official. Hostess is bankrupt. The makers of  the mythical and genre-defining stoner foods, Twinkie, Cupcakes, Ho-Ho’s and the nature-defying ‘Wonderbread’, have been cleared by US courts to start liquidating their assets.  In an official statement to the media, Hostess said that “the wind-down means the closure of 33 bakeries, 565 distribution centers, approximately 5,500 delivery routes, 570 bakery outlet stores and the loss of 18,500 jobs.”

Management places much of the blame with the worker’s union and the last strike, but considering the sales of high-powered junk food has been in steady decline over the last decade and the constant drain of capital by demanding shareholders, there is enough blame cake to go around. However, there is some hope for the engineered treats as many corporations have expressed strong interest in purchasing the brands. But that didn’t stop the full scale panic and buy-out of the remaining Twinkies on the island of Hawaii. Enjoy them while you can.

Deep-Fried Injustice
In other news, deep-fried evangelist and unabashed Twinkie lover, ‘Chef’ Guy Fieri has inadvertently set the foodverse on fire. When I say inadvertently, I mean he opened up another over-the-top garish restaurant catering to crimes against food (Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar), this time in New York’s Times Square, which attracted official food snob NY Times writer, Pete Wells, into writing one of the most scathing and entertaining massacre’s restaurant reviews in modern history. The whole article is a series of ego-puncturing insults posed as questions such as, “Has anyone ever told you (Guy Fieri) that your high-wattage passion for no-collar American food makes you television’s answer to Calvin Trillin, if Mr. Trillin bleached his hair, drove a Camaro and drank Boozy Creamsicles?”

As the scathing words of the review spread like a grease fire through the Internet, the rest of the food writing fetishists could not help but be inspired by Mr. Wells vivisection and public BBQ of Mr. Fieri’s latest venture, piling on with damning diatribes of their own.

Mr. Fieri, being the stand-up CEO of a greasy and profitable food empire, responded with obvious dismay and disbelief that you would expect from some as humble as he is:

“I’m doing the type of food America loves and I’m doing it the right way … To me it’s impossible to come in and have a dining experience and have every single thing wrong.,unless you come in with a different agenda and want to sensationalize something and you want to … It’s a great way to make a name for yourself.”

Obviously, the NY Times food critic needs to make a name for himself to advance his food writing career, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Anne November 23, 2012 at 8:28 am

Wells might not need to make his name but page hits are important in the newspaper game and this gave NYT a ton of page hits.

paulkamon November 25, 2012 at 9:07 pm

You are right, Anne. Guy Fieri is an easy target, especially for someone like Pete Wells. This wasn’t a restaurant review as much as it was an entertaining “search and destroy” mission for his readership and employers. And I am quite sure he enjoyed writing it as much as people enjoyed reading it.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: