In this most depraved edition of Hit and Run you will learn of the Germans latest drunken contribution to booze culture as well as what the UK will not be serving ever again. You will find a palace for chickens, as well as a kitchen overflowing with well-paid Super Chefs, and finally you will uncover an orgy of opulence that you just won’t be able to look away.
Boobie Blessed Booze: The Germans have done it! Yes, for a mere $175 loonies, you too can drink in the latest and most depraved marketing gimmick ever conceived by what looks like two rich and horny wankers who dropped out of high school. What is most likely a mediocre spirit (probably the mass-produced dregs of some giant multinational distiller) is completely irrelevant next to the sheer ballsy hijinks of it being poured over the silicone-engineered bosom of a “
special kind of woman” dim-witted wannabee supermodel. Order yours today.
Cocktail From Hell: In what was to be a celebration of her 18th year on this planet, quickly turned into a horrific ordeal for Miss Gaby Scanlon when she consumed a Jagermeister cocktail made with liquid nitrogen at Oscar’s wine bar in Lancaster. The liquid nitrogen, used to produce a steaming “cauldron effect”, is typically harmless when it is allowed to evaporate. Apparently, it did not all evaporate by the time she had quoffed the beverage and she was later rushed to hospital with tremendous abdominal pain where emergency doctors removed her perforated stomach to safe her young life. Strike that $15 cocktail off the menu!
Mansions for Chickens: For a mere 100K you can own a Versailles-inspired heritage chicken coup! Why anybody would buy a designer chicken coup instead of a Tesla Roadster is beyond reason, but still, for the rich aspiring locavore, this is a must have! Complete with chandelier and bookcase (in case your hens want to catch up on their Maupassant), this deluxe coup has it all.
Fantastic Four in My Kitchen: If you are tired from a day on the links and would rather just indulge your gullet to the maximum without any fuss, you can always just double down for a palty 250K and have 4 certified Super Chefs come over and cook for you and your friends in your private home. Just imagine Daniel Boulud, Thomas Keller, Jerome Bocuse, and Richard Rosendale working your sweet burners for an evening of ultra entertaining, which also includes a boozy-good bonus of a Casa Dragones tequila tasting with Bertha Gonzalez, the world’s first female Maestra Tequilera. Book it here.
When Your Rich, Life’s a Frat Party: And if all that wasn’t enough depravity, you can always go for the mother load and tune into Esquire’s stomach turning Rich Kids Instagram, which show a steady stream of hipsterfied images of extraordinary excess that will surely act as damming evidence when the guillotine is finally rolled out. Enjoy!