So scientists claim to have figured what is causing bee mortality rates to mimic those of eighteen year olds with high performance motorcycles. They claim, wait for it, that it’s you and your iPhone. Uhhh, sure, spraying pesticides all over everything probably has nothing to do with it. Have these scientists never heard of Occam’s razor? I did my own experiment that was almost as scientifically rigorous as the one described in the article, namely wandered into the yard with my phone and observed nada, bees still buzzed. As a control I tried spraying them with some Raid. It was conclusive, pesticides used on farms are responsible for colony collapse disorder. In fact, industrial intensive agricultural mono-culture is responsible for everything bad, including global warming, the oil spill in the gulf, Ed Hardy hoodies and Nickleback.
And besides, fuck bees. There I said it. Why should we care? First, we could teach ants to pollinate stuff in less than a month if we really wanted to. Second, they are the most assholish insect on earth. Add up the pluses and minuses; They pollinate making agriculture and make civilization as we know it possible, sure. But they also swan around in their ugly unfashionable sweaters looking all arrogant and superior because of the role they play. Fuck ‘em I say. They are the corrupt cop or dirty fireman of the insect world, they rely on the good works of the few to get away with stinging and being a general pest with impunity. We have vested bees with way too much regard. That ends now. Try taking a glass of wine outside and tell me how long it takes you to declare a fatwa against them.
They are responsible for the stupidest idioms in the English language. Bee’s knees. None of your beeswax. Busy bee. Bee in your bonnet. The birds and the bees. They all sound remotely Romper-room and should be banned, kill the bees and these idiotic expressions will fade from usage.
They want to show us a sign of good faith, a reason we shouldn’t phone them to death? Fine, declare all out war on wasps and hornets, lets see how committed they really are to making the world a better place. And quit with the stinging.
And now an educational video about bees and beekeeping.
~KT
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
but honey bee’s dont sting its those damn wasps. But you win because you post a eddie izzard video
What??
And also,
WHAT????!!!???
Puhleeze, really? We need the bees.
‘Nuff said.
Is it just me, or is Eddie Izzard’s head gigantic beyond all proportion to his body? It’s fucking huge! He like a living bobble head.
Old news. Not true. Wikipedia has pretty good on Colony Collapse Disorder.