January 1, 2010 at 6:10 pm
· Similar Stories in Breaking News, Keith Talent, Press Releases, Restaurant News
With the pass of the previous decade and advance of the new one, it’s time to examine what I’ve learned over the past ten years. (Oh, and the pedantic “the decade doesn’t change until next year,” argument holds no truck here math geek. Society has unilaterally declared that a new decade has begun. Go tilt at some other windmill.) This was the decade I went from enthusiastic outsider patron to sometimes columnist with a bent for petulance with the fourth most popular food site in Vancouver (among 25-35 year old left handed colour blind fencing enthusiasts.) So quite the mountain summited there. Enough with the foreplay, lets get it on:
*Nothing determines how “good” a restaurant is more than the skill of it’s P.R. person, inevitably an attractive woman. Not the kitchen, nor the staff, nothing has as much bearing on the first couple years as the media relations officer. Vancouver is full of whores willing to say anything nice in print about a new place to become an insider. It’s always been bad, it’s getting worse. A massive proportion of the reviews in this town are shoddily reworded press releases bylined by social climbing wannabes. I’m not certain if Vancouver is alone in this, but the fraternity between restaurateurs and the media is shocking and unethical.
*Hype is never good. The more hyped somewhere is the more disappointing it will be. It’s better to follow Les Faux Bourgeois model, under-promise and over-deliver.
*CFD’s are choking the innovation out of the city. Yes they are fantastically successful business models, they are also Hoovering up all the cash that would otherwise be going to new concepts and people starting out. Creativity and grassroots incubation are being stifled by all the mid-market cash going to these established concepts.
*There are few things a brunoise of sautéed breadcrumbs can’t improve.
*The higher the markup on the winelist the worse the food will be.
*I began the decade mocking the hippies and their precious overpriced organics. I left the decade a committed (or should I say semi-committed, I do love mangoes. And wine. Coffee. Olive oil. Pasta from Italy. So maybe I’m not even a semi-locavore) locavore spending twenty bucks on an organic chicken. Which proves yet again that real societal change comes from dirty leftist freethinkers who you might not want to share a table with but occasionally have a good idea when they manage to drop the bong for a few minutes. They did manage to come dangerously close to undoing their good works however with the continued asinine assertion that white people could wear dreadlocks.
*This is the decade Asian foods came into the mainstream. In 2010 not knowing what constitutes a good xio long bao is as gauche as ordering your ahi (something we’ve stopped eating in the past decade,) well done.
~KT
Permalink
nwyles wrote @ January 1st, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Thanks for the first laugh of the year!
Weston wrote @ January 2nd, 2010 at 12:03 am
I almost fit the UD Demo, 26, Left Handed, and well I do have a soft spot for fencing. Tho I do see Colour ah well close.
Asian food for the next decade? so we go from Fusion to straight Asian I take it?
matt R. wrote @ January 2nd, 2010 at 9:28 pm
wait, when did people stop eating ahi?
keith talent either shoots bullets or leaps in front of them to spare/entertain others.
Neil wrote @ January 7th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
A massive proportion of the reviews in this town are shoddily reworded press releases bylined by social climbing wannabes.
What exactly does this mean?
Just becuz Eye Doan Spel sew gud does not mean my press releases are shoddily worded.
And what does ” social climbing wannabes” mean ?
BTW, Mr. Talent, what are you doing tonight? Do you want to come down so I can comp you a meal! Do you want to hang out?
paulkamon wrote @ January 7th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Yes, throw more chum in the water, Wyles. I’ll be in for my burger and beer soon. I have money this time! But I better be treated like a rich Norwegian Olympic tourista or I will tip you like an Aussie. ;-P
Full disclosure; I sent Neil the following immediately after his first comment; “Neil – You knucklehead.
I craft a reasoned polemic against the cities friendless writers seeking approval from chefs at Urban Diner and the first response I get is from the single restaurateur in the city I’m friends with? I suck. Or you suck. One of us sucks for sure. Likely both.”
Neil wrote @ January 7th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
You suck.
I completely agree with the assessment of restaurant reviews and, by extension, reviewers. The only reviewer I read now is Alexandra Gill in the Globe, which is not filing for bankruptcy protection, at least not yet. If you read her reviews of C, Nu and, last Wednesday, Society, you’ll know she’s sharp, a writer attentive to details and an advocate for all of us who want good food without the b.s. of big, undeserving egos. The Wednesday column was hilarious and, although I probably wouldn’t eat there even if she’d had a good experience, an indicator that she considers the ‘whole experience’ and always expects the best, even from a donut hole.
Xtina wrote @ January 10th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
*ducks to avoid pending sh*tstorm* giggle.
Jamie Maw wrote @ January 14th, 2010 at 1:47 am
Keith: ‘This is Mrs. Wren, your Grade 7 Social Studies teacher checking in from Haney Senior Secondary. As much as I admire your recent thoughts, they remind me of your early essays: nascent glimpses, unevolved. Now that you have your ASD largely under control through modern detergents, would you please now properly develop your theses and immediately report back to me in the cloakroom.
By The Way, in my old wanking look back : Good, bad and Ugglie:
1. Locabores: ’nuff said. Done and still flossing with low branches.
2. Best Inventions: Resealeable Bacon Packs, ‘The Butter Boy’ (thank you Marlon Brando and Maria Schneider), Grolsch in the new 1.5L format that, deep and thankfully, holds a chill like Moira’s cottage-cheesers.
3. Off Broadway: Man joins chain, opponent joins other chain, city magazine degrades chief asset.
4. Grope + Nail: Wine writer chimes, food writer writes with elegance of an ectopic pregnancy yet naiveté (Le Croc serves marrow!) of a droopy bovine.
5. Death to: Cupcakes, “Wagyu’ wagging the dog, skidmarks on your plate, shortribs and hold the dross.
6. Drop the Puck: Might actually think that there was some food still extant in this city. Wrong. Molson Canadian Hockey House hires annoying and extremely short Austro-elf flagellator: Wolfgang Puck.
7. Desperation Marketing:
Sorry Keith, but it’s come to this:
‘Cook With the Chef’
‘Shop With The Chef’
‘Sunday Jazz’
Big White Banner Announces:
“BRUNCH – $10″
Confidentiality agreement + now poached, many partners pissed.
As for me, no. I’m really looking forward to describing modern dining, in Vancouver, like a breeze.
All the best,
Jamie
Jamie Maw wrote @ January 14th, 2010 at 2:27 am
“Whoops – almost left off “That Other Story of the Year” – the so-called Canadian Culinary Championships, i.e. “Gold Medal Whatevers”
I resigned as a judge from GMA two years ago for two reasons, plain and simple:
1. Participating Chefs weren’t being paid on time.
2. The organizers (Steve et al) couldn’t convince me about how many cents (after their expense accounts) were actually going to the athletes.
That’s not all.
J.
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