I’m a big Patton Oswalt fan. His most popular bit involves a rumination on the KFC Mashed Potato Bowl. The bowl was unavailable until recently but has been reintroduced onto the menu. Of course I had to try a failure pile in a sadness bowl as he describes it. His description is slightly optimistic.

You look at the picture above and think, it doesn’t look that bad. Sure it’s greasy and is made with GMO corn and battery pro-cruelty chicken, but damnit I’m not Alice Waters and post modern ironic fast food choices are the height of wit.  Okay maybe not but still I need some rationale for my decision, so allow me this conceit. Lunch, yesterday, a sadness pile.

Worst food ever is a clichéd descriptor used by the lazy. This legitimately was the very worst food I had ever put in my mouth. I could go on about the acrid tang, the fecal texture, the funky chicken, but I won’t. Look at what I got, it is the largest disconnect between picture above and the actual product. I cannot imagine anyone, no matter how unsophisticated your tastes are eating this twice. It was shocking. And hilarious. It’s true though, the corn actually was okay.

This is food that saps your will (and a dietitian would also say ability) to live. It is fast food without joy. Junk is supposed to be fun to eat. A burger and fries is an unhealthy pleasure, particularly if made with even a tiny bit of competence. This was empty calories in the worst sense, as it didn’t even provide happiness. Unbelievable. Tums for desert and an inner monologue if bulimia might be right for me.

~KT