Went for dinner last night to Patagonia Sur, iconoclastic Argentina chef’s Francis Mallmann’s home location in Buenos Aires. Worst meal of my life. Cab to dodgy neighbourhood of La Boca, doorman rings you in and the door is locked behind you. I’ve never eaten anywhere that the safety of the staff and patrons requires a physical barrier between diners and local denizens. Enter a churchly quiet space, a sum total six tables with only three occupied and are seated. The restaurant is in an old house and is decorated like a library, but with the complete absence of noise is more funeral home in spirit.
We ordered, sweet breads then lamb for me, (as my wife observed, my Buenos Aires diet consists of thymus glands as a staple.) Tortilla with king crab and a steak for my wife. The food was horrible, oversalted and overcooked, which when combined by the total lack of ambiance makes for a direly dull evening. But running down the food and decor isn’t the point of this, my central crux is this; The restaurant is a piss take. I guarantee it.
Mallmann considers himself more artist than chef, food is just part of his repertoire, the restaurant is a giant performance art installation that says something about what we (especially for North America, as that’s where the clientèle seemed to be exclusively from) will endure for close access to celebrity. I can see the enfant terrible of Latin America cooking chuckling at how terrible can a dining experience be and still attract punters? In hyper design conscious Buenos Aires, a city completely enamoured with tropical modernism, sitting in grannies tearoom for dinner is a hint.
I suspect I was supposed to get involved in a punch up with the staff when presented the astronomical bill, just to see the artistic vision through to it’s ultimate resolution, or maybe I was supposed to take it lying down like a cordial lamb so that I was both the mechanism for the joke and it’s punchline. Either way it’s not an experience I’d recommend. I went for dinner and an art exhibition broke out.
Although I appreciate the artistic vision and genius of pulling off the feat Mallmann did, I’m somewhat irritated to be unwittingly made into part of the artists body of work without my consent, and to be the one to foot the bill, strikes me as having to pay for the bullets at your own execution.
And conceptual artists wonder why they piss people off so badly.
~KT
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Ouch, Sorry to hear about your painful experience, my reference was an exceptional meal at Restaurant 1884 in Mendoza, which was a more traditional concept, pricey but worth it. You could always take a leaf out of Maradonna’s book & register your disgust with the old grabbing of the gonads with both hands trick, & demand the Maitre d’ suck on it, or you could reduce the tip, I suppose.
Ack – how awful. Nothing worse than someone dialing it in. To be honest, Francis Mallman does not come accross too well in the the linked Conde Nast article. Still, you certainly experienced highs and lows, good and bad, on your trip to Argentina – and that is always makes for great adventure. Well done Magellan!
Other situations are more like Brownian motion, which involves moving without going anywhere. ,