Weekend Whistler Mini Recap

Spent the weekend in Whistler, and if you are looking for piercing insight into undiscovered culinary gems from the resort that good eating forgot, quit reading now because we’ll just get into a big fight when you want your money back at the end; There are none. Dining in Whistler is terrible; Expensive and sloppily executed by Aussie line cooks with six months left on their visa. Sorry, it’s true.

Went to BBQ Bob’s just west of 99 opposite Creekside.  Friday night, four guys after golf. Our standards are not going to be impossibly high, as long as the beer is cold and the meat plentiful we will be happy. Meat was cold and beer warm. We had the Four of a Kind platter, four meats and four sides, all dire. The meats were greasy grey brisket, dry oven roasted chicken, pulled pork that I’m convinced was chopped innards sun dried until leathery then reconstituted with supermarket bbq sauce until almost chewable and lastly the only thing I’d voluntarily eat again, ribs which to be fair were the perfect balance of stick to the bone and tender. None of the meats had any evidence of having spent time in a smoker, neither did anything have the telltale pinkish smoke ring. Sides were deli takeout coleslaw, battered cooked in stale oil fries, onion rings and beans that defied the limits of my credibility if I attempt to describe them, I’d be accused of making up horrors just to be sensational. Aww screw it here goes. Uncooked, al dente to be completely fair black beans, stray bits of assorted meats, sugar, lots and lots of sugar, something gelatinous and unidentifiable congealing the mass into a horrific terrine. A hundred bucks for four and whoever has jurisdiction over the sanctioning body that has awarded the proprietors all the first place prizes for assorted bbq competitions should really think about going round and collecting the awards back. Worst bbq I’ve ever eaten, then again I haven’t tried ABC Country Restaurants BBQ Smokehouse Menu yet, so that could change.

Next day I was lured by the claim of “Best Hot Dog in Whistler” at the turn at Whistler Golf Course. Best is a bit of a stretch. “Hot Dog In Whistler” would be a more accurate descriptor.  A hot dog, beer and bag of chips came to fifteen bucks, so being ripped off for a crappy hot dog didn’t piss me off at all. Proving I’m the eternal optimist, I fell for the same advertising line at Nicklaus North the next day, again with “Best Hot Dog in Whistler”. Again, whichever federal agency investigates false advertising claims needs to investigate Whistler golf courses. Nicklaus North could easily get their advertising on side by changing the slogan to “Stalest Bun in Whistler.”

The only other culinary anecdote was at Nester’s Market on Saturday afternoon grabbing some groceries for dinner. They had porcinis for sale. What the hell I figured filling a bag with them and some morels. Get to the check out. Clerk looks in the paper bag as they always do with mushrooms. Clerk ask me “what kind of mushrooms are these?” I reply “porcinis.”  She looks again. Tells me “they are not porcinis, too small”. “No, they are definitely porcinis” I say. She says no and rings them through as button. So sorry Jimmy Pattison, I owe you fifty bucks. I can attest that three dollar a pound porcinis taste even better than the regular kind.

~KT